


after the wars (who will remain)

by soft_cactus



Category: DreamSMP, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Child Soldiers, Childhood Trauma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Implied/Referenced Character Death, L'Manberg War of Independence on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Off-screen Character Death, Post-L’Manberg-DreamSMP War, Sacrifice, Scars, Self-Hatred, Self-Sacrifice, War, lowkey really dramatic, wrote this a while ago
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:29:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28894437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soft_cactus/pseuds/soft_cactus
Summary: Tubbo meets Dream shortly after the war ended. The next day, Sapnap stands before the walls of L'Manberg with Dream's goodbye message.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Toby Smith | Tubbo, No Romantic Relationship(s), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 4
Kudos: 101





	after the wars (who will remain)

**Author's Note:**

> (originially posted in a different oneshot book of mine, but now i reworked it and posted it on it’s own)
> 
> Set right after the L’Manberg Independence war

Tubbo was walking through the Dream SMP in a hurried pace. He didn't like being here alone, the war ended only a few days ago and Tubbo didn't know whether his enemies would attack him or not. He had yet to meet anyone from the opposition face to face after the war, but he did not like the idea of doing that, especially alone.

The sun was already low, tainting the whole world in a golden tone. It was beautiful. Tubbo stopped on the embassy that had already been repaired for a second to look at the sun. Ever since the war started he had barely time for himself, and he enjoyed nature. These few seconds wouldn’t do harm. It took a second for his eyes to adjust, but when they did, he flinched and dropped all of the supplies he had gathered. 

Right outside of the embassy, sitting on the fence, was Dream. He had been looking at the sun going down but was interrupted by Tubbo dropping his stuff. From Tubbo's perspective, Dream was just a dark shadow against the sun, from Dream's perspective Tubbo was practically glowing in the bright light.

"Uh, sorry, I'll..." he began gathering his things while not stopping looking at Dream, until he noticed something. What he could see of Dream's face, everything below his nose, was wet and there were drops gathering at his chin. Dream also wasn't sitting upright and confident as he usually did. Instead, he was slouching, as if he had lost all energy. His chest was rising and falling at a quick pace. Dream was crying.

For a few seconds Tubbo froze. Dream was the enemy, a villain. He cost Tommy two lives, he made Eret betray them, he took them all a life, he was evil! And yet. Tubbo felt bad. Was Dream really the villain? From a certain standpoint, maybe he understood why Dream wanted them to not split away from them.

Tubbo slowly straightened again and asked in a quiet tone: "Are you okay?" Dream looked at him for a few seconds before asking: "Tubbo, are you scared of me?" Tubbo cocked his head. "Why?"

Dream looked back at the sun and Tubbo carefully approached. His eyes started hurting from staring right next to the sun. He leaned against the fence about two meters away from Dream with his back towards the sun and looked at him, his eyes were narrowed to protect themselves from the blinding light. 

"Are you scared of me?" Dream repeated and Tubbo looked down. "I guess... yeah. I am." Even if Tubbo couldn't see his face, he knew by the way his jaw clenched he didn't like that answer.

"I failed, Tubbo. I failed George, I failed Sapnap, I failed Punz... I failed you and Tommy... I failed everyone," Dream said and Tubbo had to take a second. The emotion in the older man's voice was overwhelming. It was full of anger, pain, disappointment, and hate. Tubbo tried to comfort him: "Dream... we might've gotten our independence, but you still technically won... It was terms of surrender, right?"

Dream scoffed. "I don't care about who won. I..." his voice broke, "I started this server so my friends could have a safe place. A server to stay on when they didn't know where to go. Where they would never be forced to do anything. And I failed. I did exactly what I swore to protect them from. It's all my fault."

"I don't think I understand..." Tubbo confessed and Dream bit his lip. He seemed to consider something, and Tubbo waited. After about 2 minutes he finally said: "Do you know what the 'wars of divitae' are?" Tubbo squinted his eyes and asked: "That's the collective name for all of the separate wars in the upper servers, right?" Dream nodded.

"Where I come from, we call them 'wars of lacrimae'." He looked down and seemed to struggle with the words for a second before saying: "I'm from the lower servers." Tubbo's eyes widened.

The public servers, where most people lived, were divided into three fractions. The upper, middle and lower servers. There were 50 lower servers, 35 middle servers and only 5 upper servers. 13 years ago, there were 10 upper servers, but they were reset and given to the middle servers since they desperately needed more space. It's how the wars of divitae started. 5 kingdoms needed a new place to live and invaded the other 5 kingdoms. As a result, 5 wars broke out simultaneously, the name for all of them collectively was 'wars of divitae' which meant 'wars of wealth'. 

Dream continued in a shaky voice: "Where I come from... everyone fights for themselves. At least that used to be this way. When the war started the kingdoms noticed they didn't have soldiers. They had fighters and knights, but all of them were upper class." He had a bitter tone in his voice. "So, they invaded the lower servers and 'recruited' soldiers. Everyone old enough to run was old enough to fight in their opinion." He looked down.

Tubbo was frozen. He and everyone else on the server was from the middle servers. He'd never met anyone from the lower servers. Normally people were born there and died there and never made it out to get to different servers. "Did... did they take you?" He asked in a shaky voice and Dream straightened up a bit, looking right into the sun that was nearly gone at the horizon.

"I was 6 when they first came. I managed to escape that time. I was 9 when they returned. I didn't escape then." More tears arrived at his chin. "I fought their war until I was 16. With 16 I ran away and found Sapnap and George. Two happy people from the middle class. They took me in and treated me like a human. That was a first."

Tubbo was crying as well now. He didn't even know they used child-soldiers. He thought all of the people were adult volunteers, not stolen children. "I never told them. I wore a mask, in fear of being recognized and being taken back. I never spoke out." He looked down. "I stayed quiet. I was lucky to escape, and they would make me disappear if they ever found out who I really was. Nobody knows. Only you."

He bit back a sob and continued: "I swore to myself I would get Sapnap and George out of the public servers as soon as possible. I promised I would get them to a private server, where they can find only peace. No war, no conflict. A paradise. I swore to myself I would protect them from any kind of war. And now..." He leaned forward and Tubbo got scared for a second that he would fall down the cliff. "Now I brought the war to them. And to you."

"I don't blame you!" He quickly shouted; his previous fear forgotten. Dream chuckled sadly. "Then you're the only one." Tubbo shook his head. "No! That's not true! Tommy-" Tommy definitely blamed Dream. "Wilbur-" Wilbur even more. "Fundy-" Fundy definitely did too. "Ere-" Eret wasn't even part of their side anymore. He went quiet and Dream nodded with a sad look in his eyes. "See?"

Tubbo looked down for a second and then asked in a calm voice: "Why... Why didn't you just give us independence then? If you wanted to avoid a war at all costs... Why?" Dream looked away. His mouth was in a thin line and even if Tubbo couldn't see his face, he knew he was angry, most likely at himself.

"I was stupid. I thought I knew what I was doing. I was naive, dumb and stupid!" His voice grew louder and louder until he shouted the last part and jumped off the fence to Tubbo's side. They could barely make out the walls of L'Manberg from here, but it was visible. "I thought I knew better." He fell to his knees. "And I failed."

Tubbo didn't say a word and just watched the man. It was nearly completely dark, his friends in L'Manberg would soon begin to worry about him, and yet he couldn't bring himself to just leave Dream in this state.

He sat down next to Dream and asked quietly: "What did you think would happen?" Dream sniffled and whispered: "I thought we were all friends. I thought it was just… a joke. I thought at the end of the day we would still joke with each other and we would still be able to enjoy each other's company. I thought we were family. I thought we would be able to talk it out."

He let his head drop down and whispered: "I should've known. I knew I was playing with fire; I should've known I would snap. It's all my fault." Tubbo raised an eyebrow. "Snap?"

Dream looked down. "In the training camps… they wanted us to be strong and tough. So, they drilled us to think failure was unacceptable. That when our pride was hurt, we had to fight. I should've known these old habits would come back. I tried so hard but… it's how I was raised; I can't shake it off. And it made me the thing I hate most. Someone who drags children into wars."

Before Tubbo could react, Dream reached up and fiddled with the strap of his mask for a few seconds. Then it was suddenly lose. Tubbo felt his heartbeat quicken. Was Dream really about to show his face to him? Dream hesitated a few seconds longer before carefully lowering his hands with his mask and looking at Tubbo.

The sun was long gone by now, but there was still enough daylight left to see his facial features. He had green, piercing eyes that were so full of pain and self-hatred that Tubbo got chills. His eyes were bloodshot, and his entire face was wet from tears. But the thing that stood out most was a scar going from his temple, over his cheekbone to his nose, as if someone trailed his bonestructure with a knife. It made him look so much older than just 21.

"Tubbo. I am so sorry. I should've known better. I should've stopped it before it escalated. I'm so sorry." Tubbo shook his head. "Dream, I may not agree with your actions, but you can't blame yourself for this." Dream didn't look like he believed him but didn't argue again. Instead, he stood up, now determined.

"I know what I have to do." He turned to Tubbo and gave him an encouraging smile. "Go home Tubbo. I have to make this right, and I will. I promise." As soon as Tubbo stood Dream pulled him into a long hug, but instead of feeling cornered, Tubbo welcomed the hug with a tight grip. He was scared for the other man.

When he finally let go there were new tears in Dream's eyes and he whispered: "It'll be ok Tubbo. I promise. I'll make it right." Then he left, walking quickly towards his base. Tubbo looked after him for a few seconds until he finally gathered his supplies back up and headed to L'Manberg.

He could see Tommy waiting in the entrance, as soon as he saw him, they came to him and helped him carry. "Where were you? We were worried the green bastard and his men got you," Tommy said and Tubbo couldn't help but flinch at 'green bastard'. It was all different now.

"No, I just went out a little farther than last time so I estimated my way back wrong. Won't happen again." Tommy smiled and hit him playfully on the shoulder. "It better not."

* * *

Everybody in L'Manberg noticed how quiet Tubbo was the next day. He sat in complete silence, only speaking when spoken to. It was like he wasn't even there, like he was far away in his thoughts.

Their peaceful morning was interrupted by Fundy jumping to his feet. He was looking at the entrance of L'Manberg, where Sapnap was standing. It was the first time any of them, save for Tubbo, saw someone from the Dream SMP close up since the war.

Sapnap wasn't wearing his armor, he and the man that burned down the forest around their walls a week ago did not look like the same person. Wilbur stood up as well and all of them walked as a group over. Sapnap was alone, and he looked terrible. His eyes were bloodshot like he'd been crying, and he looked defeated.

"Sapnap. What do you want?" Sapnap stepped forward and stretched his arm out, handing a book to Wilbur. It was one of Dream's books, the blazon on the front proved it. 

"We will honor everything Dream proposed in this." Sapnap said and went quiet for a moment and then added: "I hope you do as well." Wilbur narrowed his eyes and turned around, walking back into L'Manberg without another word.

Everyone followed him, only Tubbo looked at Sapnap for a second longer. Sapnap noticed and took a step forward, he was close enough to touch Tubbo now. "I'm not sure how you and Dream are so close… But he cares about you. After you read this book maybe check in with us," Sapnap said and left.

"Tubbo?" Tubbo turned around to see Tommy waiting for him. Tubbo quickly caught up to them, ignoring Tommy's questions about what Sapnap told him. They got together in the caravan, and Wilbur began reading the book to them.

_"Dear Wilbur, dear L'Manbergians._

_I must congratulate you for gaining independence, I hope you can find peace in your own nation._

_But also, I need to apologize. I never wished for our dispute to escalate as it did. I was foolish and naive, and I should've known the path I was going down. I will never be able to go back and undo what did, I will never be able to ease your pain._

_But I can avoid the pain of others. I can't run from my past forever, which is why when you are reading this, I will have left the server. I'm returning to my roots. You don't know this about me, but I fought in the 'wars of divitae' for 7 years until I deserted. Some of the wars are still waging, including the one I ran away from. I don't know how many people died because I was too cowardly to speak up about what happened to me, but I will no longer hide. The royal families will try to make me disappear, but I have brought enough suffering by being a coward. I need to try. The server is paid for another 20 years, all of my savings are going into upholding it for as long as possible._

_Please, don't fight anymore. It's enough when one of us is fighting a war. I hope you can forgive me for what I did. I should've known better; I should've known I would snap and fall into old habits. I hope all of you can recover from the injuries I inflicted, both the mental and the physical ones._

_I know some of you haven't looked at me as a friend for a while, and I regret acting as I did._ _We will probably never see each other again, I doubt I will come out of this alive, but please know I will remember you as friends, not enemies. I hope you can one day say the same._

_I may not deserve anyone's forgiveness, but I will never stop regretting turning a safe place into a warzone. I hope one day you look back at me, not remembering me as a tyrannical enemy, but as a friend. I hope one day, we will see each other again, in this world or whatever may come after._

_Please, attempt to find peace on this server. Don't blame anyone else than me for this war, they didn't know any better. I hope when we meet again, I will meet you as a united front, not crumbled like everything is right now._

_Please, do not attempt to follow me or change my mind, you won't find me. I have to do this; I have to correct my mistakes and I have to redeem myself. I have to forgive myself._

_Even if I don't show it, I love you all._

_\- Dream"_

It was dead silent. Tubbo felt tears rolling over his face. Dream left? A week ago, hell a day ago, he would've cheered at this. But now he felt sick.

Fundy stared at the floor. Dream had offered him sanctuary. Being a hybrid, he was a victim of many attacks and kidnapping attempts of people wanting to have him as a pet or just to experiment on him, Dream offered him a safe haven. And now he was gone. Fundy let a quiet whine escape his throat, the only sound filling the room.

Wilbur felt empty. He was old enough; he understood what was written between the lines in this. Dream was forced to fight in a war for 7 years and he was only 21, which meant he was definitely a child when he first fought. And now he felt guilty enough to fight against entire kingdoms without even thinking he had a chance to win. Wilbur had to steady himself against a wall.

Tommy wasn't really sure what to do. He wanted to make jokes and ease the tension. He didn't want to see Tubbo cry, but… he had nothing to say. He felt empty. He lost a friend he forgot he even had, and that realization hurt so much more than any physical wound Dream had even inflicted on him.

Nobody talked. Nobody knew what to say. There was nothing to say.

Tubbo was the first person to leave. He stormed out to where Sapnap and George were and found out that Dream left his diary of his time in the war to them. They asked if he wanted to read it. No matter how guilty he felt, he said no. He wasn't sure how many more tragic stories he could bare. He spent the rest of the day hugging his previous enemies and crying, mourning the loss of his friend.

Fundy followed Tubbo shortly after he left. He ran into the woods where he once dug a panic burrow. He didn't come out for the rest of the day, spending his time whining and mourning the loss of the person that saved him.

Wilbur walked out at a steady pace. His hands were shaking, and he felt sick. He went up the walls of L'Manberg, leaning against the railings. He remembered when he saw Dream's face. Back then the scar told him everything he needed to know about Dream. A warrior with a secret, tragic past. Wilbur didn't shed a tear, instead hating himself for not showing more restrainment when he knew Dream had been through similar things before. Wilbur watched the Dream SMP, thinking back to when there was peace and quiet and mourned the loss of a trusted confidant.

Tommy was the last person remaining in the caravan. He couldn't find the energy to get up. He didn't cry, didn't run. He just picked up the book that Wilbur read from and read the pages again and again. He couldn't make sense of it. When did Dream, a brotherly figure, become a villain in his mind? When did he cross the line where he didn't see Dream as a friend disagreeing and instead an enemy? Tommy thought back to all of their arguments and couldn't deny that Dream always stayed playful until he was directly insulted. Tommy should've known. He continued reading the pages until he could reprise it word for word and mourned the loss of his brother.

* * *

Despite all of their pain, the world kept turning and time passed. L'Manberg and Dream SMP remained separate nations by formalities, but at heart they were united by their shared grief.

They let new people in, Philza, Techno, Skeppy, Bad, Niki and Thunder joined them. They made up with Eret, 'gay castle' became Wilbur's favorite new place; he often sat under the colored windows, completely lost in thought. 

They spread the word. Dream was gone, returned to his past to better the world. Nobody knew what exactly happened, but they knew Dream was not coming back. They reunited, spending almost every evening together. They didn't fight. Found peace. Found a safe haven.

And when 3 years later a messenger came to their server with a bloody mask, they cried together, remembering their fallen friend and honoring his memory by speaking up about the injustices in his story. The published his diary to the public and two months later the upper servers were dismantled after public outrage at the army of children, and hundreds of children were freed from the war.

In the end, Dream didn't fail. All it took was for Dream himself to fall so his vision could come to life: his family living in harmony and the people he left behind being finally freed. In the end, he succeeded, he just never got to see it for himself. In the end, his dream came true.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this a few months ago, i‘d say my writing has improved a lot since then, but this isn‘t TERRIBLE (i‘m sorry it really isnt great)


End file.
